Transitions

I always thought I was good with change.

I don't think I all of a sudden got bad at it, I just think I was looking at it in a non-productive way. Or maybe it's because there are so many changes right now in my life and how I thought my life would be that I'm having a hard time adjusting. Either way, change is something I am learning to embrace and be empowered by.

I recently had the revelation that I can make my own decisions when playing, teaching, or just having conversations. People are always asking my opinions, when I play an audition or concert, teach, or offer advice. Being a student for a good portion of my life I looked a lot to my teachers (who 99% of the time had great and helpful things to say:) and dilligently assumed the student role. I thought of what they said as the 'right' way. I mean, these people had jobs and sucessful careers by doing exactly what they were telling me to do. Who was I to argue or even disagree?

The answer? I am me. Being me gives me the right to decide for myself. An audition or search panel is interviewing me because they want to hear what I think about Tchaik 5 or how to teach someone to play low. Most importantly, I want to hear and express what I think. Being me is unique and one of a kind. My life experiences have allowed and earned me this one of a kind voice. It's about time I started listening to it.

This paradigm shift has really opened my eyes and changed me for the better. I feel more confident and sure of myself. I feel more open to expressing my ideas not as the 'right' ideas but as another voice and opinion. It has allowed me to share my experiences in a way that services and speaks to others. It builds clear and quick connections that bring about meaningful relationships. The change in attitude has helped me see opinions and ideas of others as exactly that, opinions and ideas, and use them at my discretion.

Change can be rewarding and exciting when trust is built and believed. It's about time I gave myself the respect I have been giving to others for so long. I'm looking forward to seeing what's next......