Fearless Diaries - In the Moment

After having a little time to digest Saturday evening's performance, I still feel good about it!  YAY! When performing, I don't actually have the time to think about and decide how I feel about my performing.  That is something that has taken some time to understand.  

One more for the good habits learned column.  YAY!

I also learned that I like to be around people and be busy throughout the day of a performance.  It helps me keep my brain busy.  I've gotten pretty good at deciding I can't do anything about a particular thing until I get to that moment.  Thank you Andre' Watts!  

What's great about compartmentalizing is I felt like I was still on vacation and enjoying spending time with family and new places.  It has been a while since Greg and I have had the opportunity to take a vacation. These past few years have been full.  

I think the biggest revelation is that my life is not defined by my horn.  My life is not defined by my successes or failures.  In fact, I think my life can be free of definitions.  Anytime I label myself it becomes potentially limiting.  In order to create opportunity I have to be able to be anything at anytime.  Keeping clear of definitions can help me open those opportunity doors.

I like the idea of just being and knowing by doing that, it is impossible to fail.  The more I can be me, the more I can be free of fear, doubt, and instead believe in the power of who I am.

The performance was a great experience.  The most fantastic thing was to look at the ensemble when I walked on stage to a sea of smiling faces.  Not only was it a great confidence boost but a touching personal moment, as well.  To know they were routing for me made me feel good about my ability to connect with them through music and just being me.  

I was proud of many things throughout the performance.  I was proud to just be there and to have decided my voice counted enough to be heard.  I was proud that even when something wasn't perfect, I added my voice immediately.  I was proud that I was so into making music that even when things were different I was able to go with it.  I took risks.  Many of which added to the excitement!  YAY!  

Most of all I was proud that I made those choices.  In the past, I was waiting to see what was going to happen.  Saturday, I decided what was going to happen.  I made those choices and I believed in the power of making them.

After the concert, many people approached me to say thank you for playing and to offer compliments.  It's so nice that people take the time to share their feelings and thoughts.  The things other's hear can be very different from what I hear.  It's a nice reminder to have EVERYTHING count.

Looking back, I feel proud because I connected with the students, the audience, the music, and myself.  It feels good to be in the moment.  It feels good to decide to be in the moment.  

I am enjoying residing in the moment.

Photo by Kimono Photography, kimonophotography.com